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Nicole Dean, model of ‘PetTube Queen’ channel Taylor has spoken openly about her battle with addiction, commenting that she was “terrified as if she were in hell”.
The Youtube network model looked happy and healthy in her videos documenting her exotic animals, but gradually worsened and weakened as she documented the consequences of heroin addiction in front of her fans.
Taylor Nicole Dean became famous online thanks to videos of a series of unusual pets she kept.
After quitting her job at an exotic pet food warehouse, she became a full-time commentator on the channel that the 25-year-old American from San Antonio in Texas called ‘PetTube’.
It had about two million subscribers and its channel was reported to be worth $ 1 million.
But four years ago her dream turned into a nightmare during a destructive period of opiate (opium-based, such as heroin) addiction.
Already a year later after recovering from addiction, she has spoken openly about the difficult period.
“I always thought addiction was a choice, I thought about it until I faced my addiction. “Your drugs create an addiction that you can not give up, and you do not understand this.”
In 2017, she started dating boyfriend Jonny Craig, who has previously spoken about his battle with heroin addiction. Dean says the girl has an ‘addictive character’ but her addiction to opiate drugs started when they were living together.
She says she had previously used sedatives until she first injected heroin when her Kronos lizard was diagnosed with an infection.
“The first time I injected heroin I was everywhere, but I liked the feeling of the part of my brain that had always been sick, it was a feeling I did not find in any other substance,” she says.
“But still I wanted to post videos to entertain people, to please them and to show my love for animals. “I pretended to be happy, that I was in a good relationship and that I was not sick.”
“Every day I wanted to stop. “Every day I swore it would stop but I got very sick, I had a pain I had never felt in my life.”
She adds that one day her skin became so irritated that she had to cover every part of her body to make her videos.
But to the multitude of her fans, the signs of what was happening were just the ones in her arms that were seen from time to time.
“They were all fake, my character, my happiness, it was like there was a big wall between me and those who followed me, I was not there emotionally,” she said.
Consequently the girl says she was placed in a rehab center where she managed to cope with the symptoms of addiction.
“They told me I was not finished, but I was sick and had to fight this problem for the rest of my life,” says the model.
After leaving the rehabilitation, Nicole says that she continued the therapy and awareness meetings, while in August 2019 she announced her separation from Jonny Craig.
In a video posted three years ago, she shows that she lives with her parents again and has become an activist for people suffering from addictions: “Now I am happy, I am in a good place, therefore I am in a good mood.”
Last month she wrote: “If someone is addicted or mentally ill I will post something on your account to show you that I trust you and that you are not a hopeless case. You are much more than your addiction and step by step you will start to believe in yourself “.
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